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My boys

I love my boys, both of them – even though I really wonder how the hell some mother’s handle it all, the late night feedings, the getting up in the morning and putting in a full days work without going crazy.


Really I wonder where I get this energy, though, to be fair I have stolen some shut eye in the Crib while Elliot covers for me (which I am grateful for) and the fact that Jimmy is amazingly good and considerate when it comes to taking care of Patrick at night.


Still there are days when I come home in an awful mood, really vile – a mood that even a cup of coffee and a drive home won’t cure and I walk up those stairs equally dreading and looking forward to stepping through the door.  But when I open that door, and I see Jimmy with Patrick – sitting on the couch, or dancing around in the kitchen everything stops.  Everything is all better, and then it doesn’t seem like a chore to come home and take care of my baby and husband. 


Everything is okay then, the headache goes away, the bad day at work falls off my back – especially when I get a smile from Patrick and a kiss from Jimmy.  There it is, the band-aid for the soul, the cure-all for the day from hell.  I have the most handsome little boy in the world, and a husband that most women would kill for.


I feel spoiled because of it all.  Honestly though, I don’t know what I would do without Jimmy.  I think about my mother when I was growing up, or some of the single mother’s that I encountered during work and think: Jesus Christ, how would I handle it if I was alone?  If Jimmy wasn’t there to calm me and support me when I am on the edge?  I worry, and honestly, with my background – I think I have some right to worry.


I’m not perfect; everyone knows that, Jimmy especially.  I’ve lost my temper, I’ve even hit him a couple of times – and there were nights when Patrick drove me so crazy I raised my voice to my son and nearly hit something.  I didn’t, but that thought was still there, and it still feeds that fear.  So I take a deep breath, I step outside for a minute – and realize that he’s just a baby, that it’s just a long night, and that in a few more months I’ll look back at this with a sort of morbid nostalgia. 


I crawl into bed, and Jimmy wraps his arms around me and usually murmurs something like, it’s my turn, next time.  Or, I love you, Olivia Benson. Some how, even though I know that he’s half asleep and he speaks almost out of instinct, it’s all I need.  I think, despite it all, I am getting this mother thing down – Patrick is very patient about the whole thing.  I think he realizes it’s my first time and that’s good, since I don’t give him crap for it being his first time as a baby.



       I had a nice long-ish post all typed out and of course I lost it because Livejournal sucks.

Anyway, I am fine, the girls and Jimmy is fine, and the house is fine.  I am still a little sore, but that is to be expected.

Patrick is just as happy and content as a one day old little person can be.  He seems very happy to just lay around and look at his family.

I am blessed with an amazing husband, son, and step-daughters.

So very blessed.

James Patrick Deakins
Born March 17th 2007
Eleven pounds and twenty inches.


Because my husband loves me . . .


From here


More LOL's about what I am feeling like right now can be found HERE

The first person who can get me either --- I will EAT LAST!!!
         I have decided that "Feelin' Good" By Nina Simone should play on my alarm clock whenever I wake up - so I can pick up said alarm clock and beat the shit out of it with a baseball bat.

I have been SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO x 10 O's unproductive.  Like, for real.  I managed to haul all the gifts from the shower upstairs and put them in the baby's room.  That's it.  I am so pissed off at myself, I haven't even taken a shower since saturday.  

I need a todo list.  Oh look, here's one!

1) Thank you Notes
2) Laundry
3) Shower
4) Do not drive husband crazy while sitting around like a bum.
5) Have baby

On a more pleasant note I can no longer reach my feet or bend over.  It's fine because I can pick up things with my toes and then lift them to myself.  I recently read a story about a man who was convicted of fraud, who had locked himself up, naked, in a cubical on top of a tall pole.  He eventually came down when his wife (a 25 year old stripper with 5 kids) took naked pictures of herself and sent them up with his lunch.

It made me think of a couple of things.  
1) Would I be a good wife and do something like that if my husband went nuts?
2) Why would naked pictures of her bring him down?  I mean, he was in an enclosed little box - I really don't think there would be a problem with him rubbing one out up there and no one noticing.
3) A 25 year old with five kids - when did babies start having babies?
4) When did I start thinking about news clippings like this?

On a completely different note, I can eat cake sitting upside down - and I found a fun new came called counter strike.  I get to kill people virtually!  With automatic fire arms, oh, haha - I am surprisingly good at it.  It's amazingly theraputic.  [insert obligatory Elliot anger management problem and reference to killing perps incident here.]

Oh, Goren - found another song for you.  David Banner - Like a Pimp

P.S. Wednesday is talk like Bob Dylan day. 

Who's afraid of Olivia Wolfe?!

who says I can't listen to Rob Zombie when giving birth?!

::passes out.::

          It's a little known fact that the REAL valentine's day is actually two days after feb 14th - it's actually St. Swithen's day, who was the patron saint of love, coco, fornication, and STD's.  Of course, it's hard to market such a character especially with the growing awareness of AIDS and other various sexually transmited viruses.  That being said, I am a traditionalist.  I wore white on my wedding, I don't step on cracks in side walks, and I always throw a pinch of salt over my shoulder to ward off evil spirt (and to catch anyone who's standing behind me - in the eyes.)

(I'm doing this in alphabetical order according to my friends list)

This actually makes a lot of sense.

What Flavour Are You? I am Chocolate Flavoured.I am Chocolate Flavoured.

I am sweet and a little bit naughty. I am one of the few clinically proven aphrodisiacs. Sometimes I can seem a little hard, but show warmth and I soon melt. What Flavour Are You?




Thank you.

p.s. I am not dead either.


How appropriate

        Thank you for Logan for the suggestion on the icon.  It fits too well.  I feel like I am in a constant state of "almost going to throw up."

Srsly.  The only thing that the pilsburry doughboy is missing is a glock.  I can take care of that.

I have no title for this post

        I flipped out when I realized that in two months (give or take) I will have a baby.  Holy. Shit.  Seriously.  I am torn between two feelings of:  1) No!  The baby!  Mine, no one elses!  It's the beginning of the end!  and 2)  GET IT OUT NOW!  Each one causes it's own special panic attacks.

Anyway, I spent the majority of the day going over a checklist of things we need to get done before the baby is born.  As if one list could prepare me for the life changing experiences ahead.  I know it's not, but it makes me feel calm, and grounded knowing I am doing SOMETHING.  Wendy made me a nice little tea full of Lemon Balm and Camommile that she gives to all her clients.  She told me it should relax me in the upcoming months, while it doesn't taste BAD I am just too much of a grump to let it work for me.  I am rebelling against the very culture I am embracing to have my baby.  WEIRD?  you don't say.

So I was gone most of the day, but Elliot came in late and I covered for him, so he covered for me - how sweet is that?  Little punk.  It's harder and harder for me to get through a normal day.  I have mommy ADD.

Speaking of which, Jimmy wants to do belly casting - he wants to hang it up in the basement.  I think it's an odd idea, not a bad one - but one I still can't wrap my brain fully around.  We will definately do it, because even though I don't apprciate it now, I know I will later when I am looking back at pregnancy with longing (wtf?).  If we don't hang it up downstairs, we can use it as a candy dish.  That's mighty amusing right there.  While I consider belly casting, I also consider taking a shower NOW or in the morning.  I think I should do it now, but I hate going to bed with a wet head - don't want to turn on the blow dryer.  Wow.  Way too much thought for hygene.  That reminds me . . .

Yo, Morasca.
We still on for tomorrow afternoon lunch?  I have put together a small powerpoint presentation, it will only take 15 minutes but I think it might be helpful.

Is it weird that I am relieved that the first ingredient in the peanuts I am eating, are, in fact peanuts?